Death frees from the fear of dying.
― Paulo Coelho,
I read and heard many things about you these days but I can’t grasp a single word of how our friendship started and how it became a significant part of my life. You’re a poet, artist, dancer, singer, actor, engineer, linguist, chef all rolled into one.
We were the best buddies even before Kenny and Kevin came into our lives. You were the brother I never had and I thank you for everything you have done into my life, for taking care of me like a sister. We were not just the best of friends, we are family.
I was used having you around even not seeing you because I know you are just there. But I was wrong. I forgot that death will knock me off taking you away and far away.
Isn’t it sad how mournful I am? That this pain is more of so much pain? I know how reality sucks but not seeing you ever again will always leave a scar. I wonder how people cope with this.
I still smile but at the end of the day I cry. Are you happy now? My birthday has come and gone and as expected I did not get a “happy birthday” from you. After all our dramas during birthdays, you’re gone now. Sorry! Sorry for the lost times that we always fight during birthdays.
We do not always share happy moments but we have shared a lot of pains in life. I could say you’re the first friend I had in college. Our pub days, how we struggle to study and survive in USeP for the publication. We have left quite a legacy.
Maybe I should start my acceptance stage. That I should start accepting you’re dead and not just gone. That you are never going back again. Maybe we could meet in another lifetime if there is.
Sorry for being stubborn in your wake, for not talking seriously and for not accepting reality very soon.
I cannot cut my wrist now because you’re not there to prevent me from doing it. I still remember how you worry too much about not talking, turning off the lights and with cutter nearby. (hahah) those were my suicidal days.
I promise you I will become stronger and I will conquer the world. Thank you for everything and please talk to me even once and assure me that everything’s gonna be alright, that I am going to be just fine again. I love you tian! I will always miss you like I never missed XMP. Ohaaa, I moved on really.
“All endings are also beginnings. We just don’t know it at the time.”
― Mitch Albom,