It’s funny how someone we both know continues to tease me about us. In the first place, there was never an us. But the teasing game has become quite fun to me. The teasing has an awkward nostalgia about you, about us and about how we were never meant to be.
But I’m not bitter now. When I look back, I do it with a smile on my face. That even if memories came flashing back, I still have the same smile I had when you handed me the flowers, when we were texting all night long or a phone conversation. I smiled at the thought of you.
I smiled because I know I got over you. I’m done crying why I don’t deserve you or the other way around. I’m done with the idea that one day, you’ll come back for me, that we can travel the world together. We shared the same dream but I will continue to dream even without you.
Sometimes, I miss the idea of you. The idea that one day I will see you again and hope for the flowers. There will be no one day for us, and no hoping for the flowers. I have poured all the love I had for you in those blank sheets.
I am now empty from the affection I had for you once. I am happier now. I have learned so much from you. You made me a better and stronger version of myself than the day I have come to know you.
Thank you for making me who I am now. Thank you for teaching me to lick my wounds alone and heal on my own. Thank you.
I wish you genuine happiness, as always.
My subway guy, my oceanic nomad, I have revisited the subway without hoping for you to meet me there. You’re sailing far away now. And I can’t be waiting for you.