An Open Letter to My Star Crossed Soul

My Dearest Oceanic Nomad,

Funny because up until this moment while riding a jeepney I still talk to you in my head. I still cant find the right words to begin this piece inorder to end my torment, inorder to heal my self inflicted wounds. 27Dec

30Dec
This is finally the beginning of an end.

When you left, all left to me was my aching broken heart, I can hardly breathe. The chill I felt because of that cold night you said goodbye made me shiver even more. The pain in my stomache and my broken soul. And this is not for the purpose of exaggeration but to extricate pain and sorrow. I wanted to write every single detail of how I was feeling as a way of saying goodbye but I can’t grasp a single word of it. All I know was that its too painful to bear.

Nevertheless, I have to write. To heal and to move on. To forgive myself and eventually if time allows me, to forget even the beautiful things our almost relationship has taught me. I called it almost relationship but not almost love. It almost did but it never happened anyway.

I never have the intention of giving this letter to you but if time permits, I will keep this with me. But I know the world needs this, to those who could relate, to encourage how wonderful it is to let go and to prove them how strong I was of fighting something I am not supposed to have.

I can never hate you but I have high hopes that whenever I see you again, I could flash that same smile I gave you when we first met or that half smile behind my mask. I wish I could smile like that again. That stranger’s smile.

After 3 years, I have learned to open myself completely. I, soon realized that it’s not that good. The effect you had with me was shocking and unexplainable. How it was possible to like or almost love someone you barely know? And how it was possible to miss that someone so much it hurts? And how it was possible to feel an excruciating pain when he walked away from you ?

Logic cannot explain it of course. Poetry will. Prose will. And maybe soon my stories will.

I have missed you at the end of the day.
I have missed you before sleeping and after waking up.
I have missed the texts, chats and calls.
I have missed the stupid jokes.
I have missed the laughters that glided in my ears.
I have missed the voice which lightens my load.
I have missed the song you used to sing.
I have missed my friend, my companion and my confidant.
I have missed my soulmate, my other soul.
I have missed everything about us.

Sometimes, I will miss you but sooner, your memories will be a blur. I cannot forget you and all that you have made me feel but one day I know I will arrive at a place in time where it would not bother me so much. We dont have moments together but in my heart of hearts, we have memories. You will be a special memory.

Now I’m leaving you. I’m leaving you to your dreams. No what ifs and could have beens. I wish you genuine happiness and I hope that whenever I crossed your mind at all, you’d remember me as the girl who sincerely cared and have almost loved you if only you have allowed her to. You are a wonderful person and I am so glad knowing you.

This is me unclasping my fingers. This is my parting, my reluctance, my heartache and my final gift to you. This is sad but this is me letting you go.

Bon Voyage Mi Amor.

Your Pixie Siren.

Posted from WordPress for Android

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