FOR MYSELF, AFTER HE LEFT ME HANGING

I DIDN’T WANT IT TO BE ONE GOOD MEMORY THAT LED TO A LOT OF BAD ONES. I WANTED IT TO STAY WHAT IT WAS, ONE AMAZING MOMENT, SOMETHING THAT WAS STRONG AND SWEET ENOUGH TO STAND ON ITS OWN. SOMETHING I COULD REMEMBER WITHOUT PAIN.” ─ELIZABETH SCOTT

 

IT HELPS WHEN YOU SHARE YOUR PAIN.

AND I ACTUALLY DID.

HOW CAN SOMEONE BEAR IT ALONE?

WE COULD DIE OF LONELINESS.

 

AS WHAT I USUALLY SAY THEN, IT’S NOT THE PERSON WHO IS WRONG; IT’S MY EXPECTATION OF SOMETHING THAT MADE EVERYTHING WRONG.

SERIOUSLY, I WAS SURPRISED BY MY REACTION AND ACTION TOWARDS THE SITUATION.

WHEN THE MEMORIES FLASHBACK, THE PHONE CALLS, TEXTS, AND CHATS, THE LAUGHTER AND BULLIES, AND ALL THE SWEET NOTHINGS, THE CUSS AND CURSE WORDS, EVERYTHING THAT WE HAVE SHARED IN A SHORT SPAN OF TIME SLAP ME TO THE REALITY THAT HE WAS GONE.

THEY SAY, PEOPLE WILL FORGET EVERYTHING YOU SAY OR WHAT YOU DID TO THEM BUT THEY WILL NEVER FORGET HOW YOU MADE THEM FEEL.

BUT OF COURSE, HOW CAN I FORGET SOMEONE WHO MADE ME SMILE AGAIN RIGHT? WHO MADE ME LAUGH LIKE I NEVER LAUGHED LIKE THAT IN MY LIFE. I HAVE LIVED WITH PAIN, BEEN TO A LOVE AND LOST ROUTINE THEN THE CYCLE CONTINUES. I HAVE ALL THE WORRIES IN THE WORLD THAT TALKING TO HIM AT THE END OF THE DAY WAS A BREATH OF FRESH AIR.

FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE ALSO, I COULD NOT GIVE HIM A NAME LIKE I ALWAYS DID IN THE PAST. I CANT SEEM TO PUT INTO WORDS WHAT I WOULD LABEL HIM. HE IS NOT JUST THE EVERY OTHER GUY. HE IS MORE THAN THAT. JUST WHAT HE DID, I WILL LEAVE IT HANGING BUT I CANNOT NAME HIM THE GUY WHO LEFT ME HANGING. I WOULD PREFER A POSITIVE PSEUDONYM FOR HIM BECAUSE I OWE HIM A LOT.

TO END THIS, THERE ARE THINGS I WANNA SAY. IT’S RATHER LATE OF COURSE BUT HELL YEAH, I’M GONNA SAY THIS ONCE AND FOR ALL:

“YES **** I MISS YOU. I GET SAD MISSING YOU.

I DON’T GET TEARS OF MISSING YOU,

THEY’RE MORE LIKE TSUNAMI WAVES IN MY HEART.”

 

“HE WILL ALWAYS BE THE VERY BEST PART OF ME, THE SELF I WOULD ALWAYS LONG TO KNOW.”

I WILL MISS US BUT C’EST LA VIE.

 

 

PS| YES, WE DON’T HAVE MOMENTS TOGETHER AND WHATEVER THEY CALL IT BUT I KNOW DEEP IN MY HEART, WE HAVE MEMORIES.

 

Written: 04Nov15

Filtered: 26Nov15

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