Maybe its high time to start writing about him. I never wanted to but I would be hypocrite if I would not. I was happy with him, happier even but as they always say, happiness is not meant to last forever.
He was, still is and will always remain a friend to me even if he did not want to anymore.
We have shared a special friendship because for long years I have proven myself that I am still capable of loving and being loved; that I am not stuck with my past and that I am not a bitter pill.
Now it was funny to think that I saw the possibility of us. I really did but life, sometimes will try you and erase every possibility. It would be easier to hate but I cannot afford to do it. I have with me a pure heart with good intentions and I only want what’s best for that person.
I have always wanted to see him soar his wings and fly high like an eagle, free and no worries. I wanted to be with him in his ups and downs. I wanted to share with him my passion and dreams. I wanted to understand him more but not all the the things we wanted will be given to us.
And inasmuch as I wanted to open up to him more about myself, time did not allow it. Life happened fast it was too late to look back with regrets. I still look back though. I look back to the happy times when we do not care about the world, when we just laugh at our problems, when worries seemed just a grip of control, when crying was just part of the drama and petty quarrels can be solved by a hug.
I do not want to let go of those memories but I cannot hang on to them too. Holding on would just hinder the happiness I am experiencing in the present.
If there is one thing my experience with him taught me was that I can still live with myself after all; that I have mastered being alone and not lonely. I really thought I could not live my life again after what happened, that my life would change 360°, that it would never be the same again. Yes it was never the same again because I became stronger and of course, better.
He was the test I almost failed but luckily I passed.
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