Sad Smile III

Its almost a year and I never thought I could write again for the same person. I had written two sequels about our story and just now I would like to add another. I hope it would be the last. Not that I haven’t moved on, this piece would not be a continuation but a reflection of what had happened to us and on why we had to drift apart even if we do not want to.

It’s on the peak of my LSS of the song Sad Song by We The Kings when we became close. We were the good friends we never expected. Ironically, when we parted, the song made me feel bad and a bit emotional because from the lyrics itself, without him I’m just a sad song.

And so the birth of my sequels, Sad Smile.

I have come to embrace and  love sadness when he left or should I say when we drifted. Our time with each other is like a bomb with a timer being set. It would explode anytime. We have managed to enjoy our time spent together.

In my previous write-ups, I haven’t properly introduced him and how we became the us I imagined. I used to refer him as The Guy Who Shall Not Be Named and even my closest friends did not know him. My sisters knew him, my boardmates too. But they will never know that I am referring to him and that something special happened between us. They knew we were friends but we both knew we were more than that.

Upon considering some thoughts, he will have to remain the guy who shall not be named. He has a nice name though but he was not the ideal nice guy.

The first time we had a conversation we knew already that we clicked. It rarely happens for me because Im not that approachable. And so everytime we talk, he had this look of amazement on whatever things I say to him.
There were never dull moments for us because he never stops sharing his predicaments about his family and his clamours about the world and how pathetic his life has got. It was funny and overwhelming because here was a guy who became so comfortable in telling his thoughts to a stranger like me.

The very first thing I liked about him was that he calls me by the name only few people call me. It was like music to my ears because Im not used being called like that.

As our limited time passed us by, we became comfortable to each other. We saw each other often. We ate at the nearby fastfood chain and walked at the mall carpark. We talked a lot of things; different dreams and goals in life but we never talked about us.

Maybe the reason why we never talked about it was because there was nothing to talk about and we just wanted to enjoy each other’s company.

I have likened the idea of him because he was the first guy who was amazed by my simplicity and uniqueness but admired me anyway. He was vocal about it.

There was one time in our campus, he was waiting for me downstairs and when I saw him, I pretended that Im busy with my phone because I do not know how to react. He was looking at me and I knew the world stood still. It was a slow motion and awkward moment.

Later when we were walking, he said it to my face how the world stood still when he saw me and that I was so lovely that day. Of course I felt so high and alive.

I was not fishing for compliment but I was grateful to him for feeding my ego.

We do not have a lot in common but our individual differences complemented us.

Then it happened. The bomb exploded. Our time was over.

I would not want to divulge into further details about it. It was clearly stated in my previous articles how I went shattered.

As I was saying a while ago, I have lived with sadness. I have appreciated it that it got normal for me; that a day would not pass without feeling a bit sad even for a minute. Happiness then was a priceless gift. We never expect it to happen but when it does, we have to savour it because it does not stay forever. It will always stay just for a while; for an ample time.

What makes me write about him tonight? It’s just that I cannot explain the happiness I felt when a familiar voice called me while riding a trisikad. I was busy looking for something in my bag when suddenly a voice shouted “clang”. When i turned back, I saw him waving at me, mouth’s full of bread.  I waved back.

It was one of the brief moments in my life but it made me teary eyed. I was heading to church that I cannot contain what I was feeling. My teary eyes spoke of joy of having been able to see him or glanced at him. Its been almost a year since we cut off communication.

There was the guy who have made me the better person I  am now; the guy who in his simple ways made me appreciate simple things; the guy who bought me a notebook just because I love writing and collecting notebooks with good quality paper; the guy who taught me a lot about life and, about love as well.

He has taught me how to live with sadness and appreciate happiness more. My sad smile, my sad song.  Yes, I miss us but he will have to remain the guy who shall not be named but will forever be etched in my memory as I always say.

Having moved on is not measured on how we cling to the memories we have with a certain person; it is taking a glance at yesterday and noticing how much we have grown since then.

I was happy to see him again but more than that, I was happy because it was not the sad smile I have given him. It was a real one. And I’m glad.

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