One week passed then two more weeks and it has never been the same again. We were never the same again. Maybe it was all my fault for not being able to indulge you in your vulnerabilities but I just wanted what is best for you. To be on your own, to reflect on your self and to be stronger than you thought. Sometimes its when we need others or someone that we need more to be alone and to focus on our self. We will eventually learn that others will not always be there for us even if they wanted to; circumstances won’t allow them.
My heart is near to the broken hearted, more to the lost souls because I’ve experienced misery first hand. I’ve been into depression it almost killed me if I wasn’t strong enough to fight it. I’ve been into a love-and-lost routine. My heart has never been whole again. But surely, I have become a better version of myself as time goes by.
I wanted to give you time to learn more about your struggle and be willing to open up to me. Unfortunately, you shut yourself and that would do no good since it will add up to your burden. Others may judge you for being weak but the strongest person will always be the one to show their weakness and manage to deal with it.
As what you have told me before, time will come, when we are close enough that you would be able to tell me about it and that you would just laugh at it. Like laugh at you voice worser than your problems (haha). Kidding aside, I would like to point out that there is healing in storytelling.
I would not want to pry, I’m just being a friend you thought I could never be. Your struggle is not easy because its not also easy for you to open up, to trust and to be willing to heal very soon.
You would want to cling on to the Fault in our Star’s “pain demands to be felt.” I just hope that you don’t linger on the pain that much; we don’t give up too soon but we should not hang on too long.
You mentioned about the 3 years span to be totally okay. And I would like to think that you are referring to the stages of grief, of death and dying by Dr. Elizabeth Kubler Ross. DABDA. Actually, in my own opinion, it is always up to us in the end. I have mastered the stages amd can even complete it in a day but mind you, it took me almost forever to master it. For someone like you, you just have to take things slow.
We have to be happy whether we like it or not. Just try thinking that you would die tomorrow and you spend yourself being lonely today. Would that be worth it ? Nah, it will never be.
It is not wrong to fake a smile or pretend a happiness we do not feel. Practice makes perfect they say. Soon, you would not notice that everything is fake because it is real already. You would look back with a smile and that you will become stronger.
I was laughing at myself thinking you would not need these words to console you but I’m hoping against hope that this would help. I’m more than grateful that you have showed me a different version of you.
I look up to you with respect and high regard and it never changed just because you showed me your weakness. I look up to you with more respect because I know that what you are going through is never easy but you manage to get yourself a facade and show to the world that everything’s perfectly fine as it is.
It takes a lot of courage to be strong when you’re drowning in the inside. You need a lot of saving but I cannot save you. Only you can save yourself. I’m drowning in my own waters too. It’s just a matter of swimming or keeping afloat and go with the flow. Its a matter of how we look at life in our own perspective.
I have written these because it’s a way of talking to myself. And it felt good to write to lessen the worries in my mind.
Remember that life does not end when heartache and pain begin.
C’est La Vie. Smile, you don’t own all the problems in the world.
And one more thing,
Yes you have never shared your story
But you have shared your heart. 🙂
From a lost and found soul