Emails Sent ;)

Sent: June 29, 2015

This is not the first letter I would say but this is the first ever official letter that I have written for you. Love letter maybe a cliche but for writers like me it will always be the most romantic form to express whatever I need to say but cannot say in a more personal way.

You’re one lucky guy because you’ve fallen in love with a writer and that would mean you’ll live for eternity, beyond the measure of this ink and sheets. And is it logical to assume that I’m also lucky because you’re one hell of a writer too. But then you haven’t written a piece of shit about me. What can I guarantee ?

Nevertheless, I would like to continue. I told myself that I would not write a poem for you for reasons I cannot reveal yet. So I tried writing letters and this for one shall be known to you. If I am not mistaken, Ive written two or three random letters.

We started as friends and we’re still some sort of good friends. I just wondered what has gotten into your mind that you have developed whatever feelings you have for me.    I haven’t done anything or what not. And only you can answer that. I always forget to ask about that when we are together. So whatever.

And before another memory loss, thanks for making me write again particularly letters. I have many unsent ones but I don’t give a damn about them anymore. Im just perfectly sure that I have a recipient this time. Thank God for you. Whether you like it or you have no choice but to like the idea that you will have to love my God if you really love me. Just try. I’m not rushing you but please do try.

Actually the idea of writing this just came into me while watching the movie and seriously I forgot something that I have to write in here. Maybe in the long run, I hope to remember.

By the way, I hate you for being so kind and so nice that I would think I do not deserve you. I know I’ve reached beyond my limits, my mood swings, my exaggeration of things, for being so insensitive, selfish brat and for being difficult to understand. Swear, I never did try again understanding myself.  It’s just me and I’m proud to be sanely crazy. I’m so sorry and sorry for the coming days.

But really I admire you for putting up with me, for sticking with me and for dealing my mood swings. I just hope one day you’d be able to fight with me and we’ll be cats and dogs but thinking about it I know I’d lose and so don’t ever try thinking about it. Stay calm and be mature enough to deal with my immaturity.

Still, I wonder that maybe all men are the same. In the courtship period, they would please the woman and deal with everything but when courtship ends and you enter into that relationship thingy, the end of all of it. I just hope you’re not one of those.

I really am enjoying your company at the moment. I like being with you and for now, that’s all that matters I guess. I just don’t like the idea of losing myself like detaching from my soul and getting attached with you. It’s not so me. But I know, its a process. I can very well adapt to change in no time.

In a very unfortunate way, you gave me my first heart break this year even if I haven’t given you my heart. It was a very sad circumstance that you unintentionally have caused my heart to bleed for a while. Tsk. However I have come to redeem the tiny pieces and would gladly hand it over to you to repair some damages. And hopefully, when I have it back reconstructed, I could give it to you completely depending on the course of time and circumstances.

I have come to define my feelings for you at the moment. It would be too early to talk about love and so I leave it to the mere truth that my feelings per se is classified. If you know what I mean because I’m really not sure if  I know what mean. (Insert laugh here)

I wanted us to be friends for now and enjoy each other’s company because I strongly believe that the best foundation of any romantic relationship is a strong friendship. Im not talking about ordinary friendship because I want us to be the best of friends. Like you can share your dreams with me, your fears, your darkest secrets and nightmares and whatever you are thinking. And in return, I could also share and confide to you everything  that’s holding me back and what not. And like what true friends do, you know you can count on me through thick and thin and that you always have someone to lean on and vice versa. It is not enough to accept us for being us but also to be accepted for what we are not. Individual differences but still we have to compromise and meet half way.

I think this letter’s kinda long already and it did not sound like a love letter. (Insert smirk here) . Ugh, I’m not used to being sweet or some sort of romantic these days but well let’s give myself a try. K !

You maybe the farthest of the ideal guy I dreamed to be but I guess God has sent me more than I could ever imagine because He knows I needed someone like you. Just suits me well. ( seriously don’t you ever laugh at me.)

I think that my previous unofficial letter for you is more of the romantic kind but well if you would stick with me, you’d read it someday when the right time comes along and when I’m in the perfect mood.

So much for this stuff, thanks and well, thanks for everything and whatever. Or shall I say, thanks for making me smile again. I hate the idea you know that but I guess I shall have to get used to it . zZzzzzzZzz. Xoxo ~

Sent: July 4, 2015

I am writing at this back page of my first letter for you. Don’t worry, this shall be the last.

I was wrong in thinking that I could write letters again. I was too agitated that I forgot to think of what was really happening.

By the way, this last letter shall be a thank you note for all the wonderful things you’ve done for me.

You are a wonderful person and I’m glad knowing and having you around for quite some time.

I am giving your heart back because it was never mine in the first place.

So this is me unclasping my fingers, letting you go and saying goodbye- not to our friendship of course.

We shared something special as friends and we will always be good friends like we have always been.


PS| this is a poem for you or for us i guess.

Love is built in beauty
And beauty is built to die
The way to feel it
Is to know it might last
It is the delusion
Of a woman
A nightmare of a man
Sharing the same Love
But feeling copies of thousands

But it is better to love
Than not at all
It may strike
And strike once more
But one thing is for sure
It is love
Built in beauty
It will last and wither
But what is truly beautiful
Must be good.


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