I’m torn between wanting to write and not writing at all. But because I got the courage to hold this pen and use this notebook for the very first time, I know it’s high time to write again; to live and to feel that I’m still alive.
Sometimes I’d like to believe that the phenomenal feeling once happened to me already died a thousand deaths. I am wrong with my contention. It has never left me. I just choose to rest. For a while, until such time that I’m ready to gamble again, ready to face everything.
Inasmuch as I wanted to, I just know it’s not the right time yet. And I’m still not with the right person. I know once I see it. It may take a while but I’ll know for sure.
This is my story about a guy who has built walls around him. It happened to be the kind of summer story this year.
I never thought I could write like this for him. I wanted to kill him in my thoughts because I was amazed and filled with awe that we got along just fine. For the rarest of times we get to hang out for whatever reason, I’d like to thank him for the company.
I always have these feels or hung over every time we see each other. It’s just that I’m not used having you around that the idea of it is awkward.
But it doesn’t mean I do not like his company. I always look forward seeing and hanging out with him. I just feel like it. His unexpectedness is just bothering sometimes.
Laughing with him is my favorite. And even though I sound so romantic and what not- I just mean every word I said.
The way we laugh at things and how our laughter blends kinda mushy. But I like every bit of it, I never imagined us laughing hardly together. But I couldn’t imagine any further.
I told myself I cannot like him because he does not have any romantic bone. I am a hopeless romantic myself. I cannot deny that I need some or a lil potion of romanticness.
I like him enough, I’d chose him as my friend. I know I amaze him for the things he can only understand. And that’s just it. No more, no less.
I can fall in love with him but I won’t. His walls are too high, I can’t climb. For a person who has built strong walls, it would never be easy to tear down those walls.
I don’t want any complications with our friendship so I rest my case. The idea about us is a hopeless case. Way too far from reality.
I will keep him in my memory as I would keep every selfie pictures I took for the very first time he agreed and I did not convince him to do it. It will always be sweet for me.
We both are on a verge of self exploration and not into relationships. Let us continue and move forward.
I like him not because he’s like anyone else but because in my own natural way, he made me smile in my tough times and trying times.
I will miss us for sure but I will not be looking back.
As the summer’s end, I shall say goodbye without him knowing it.
I was a bit hesitant of leaving the idea of us being together but upon realizing that I deserve someone better makes me inspired to move on and get a better life ahead without you but with someone who truly deserves the best and worst of me.
*Note: This will be the last kind of summer story I would write yearly. I will make sure that the next time I’ll write one, it would not only just for summer but for happily ever after.
* A very late and delayed entry for Summer ~