a SUMMER LETTER

THE GUY WHO SHALL NOT BE NAMED,

I never thought I could write a letter for you, like for real. But I will have to for my own sake. I have to write all the things or most of the things I wanted to say which I cannot say in person.

Firstly, you came into my life when I dread for all the guys you are like. You have given me a wrong impression and I said to myself, someone like him will not be comfortable with my lively spirit. You possessed a dark aura filled with mystery and suspense. However, I was wrong. You turned out to be the first guy I have shared my smile after a long time of being sad.

Secondly, as time passed, I felt comfortable with you and I know in a way you felt the same thing too. I could only wish things were not that complicated for us. We have shared a good friendship, that’s the only thing I can call for whatever relationship or connections we have. I cannot assume more than that since my assumptions brought me in great despair before.

We were close I know but you were never open to me except recently in which it was the last conversation we had. I always do some homework and your affirmation proved my theories just right. I do not want to interfere with your personal life. I just want to know where I should stay or do I have to go. I chose to go not because I was guilty of a crime I’m unconsciously felt but I must go to set myself free from such abomination.

As you can see I cannot trust again and obviously it was hard for you to convince me in believing every sweet word you say. I admit, it made me smile but I cannot take it to my heart. Pardon me for that.

The first and last time we were together may not be so likely. I never turned my back when we parted ways. I have seen this coming and I did it intentionally to protect myself for future agony. Exaggerated I may seem but it’s hard when you started to develop an attachment to the very first guy who made you feel so comfortable for the longest time.

I hate goodbyes, parting of ways and all the stuff which is why I would never want to see you go that day. I never want to look at your face so that I can’t remember a thing when this day comes. Still, I can’t help it to be sad because you have been dear to me. You have tolerated my mood swings though you only know a very little part of me. We had our fair share of petty quarrels that when I looked back I found myself smiling because it was cute.

Actually, it was a decision not that hard to make because I have my principles to believe in. But decisions, easy or hard, it will leave you a feeling of remorse afterwards. Remorse that I would not have to deal with because I know I will manage. I have to keep my distance because it is the right thing to do. I may be a complicated being but I so hate getting involved with complications.

Our bond may not be that tight but in my heart I have considered you a friend. Just don’t forget our friendship. We have a special kind of that. And with so many things I like to say, it will be better left unsaid.

“I was never in love with you to cry now that you’re gone but I like you enough to be just sad.”

 

~DETTE 🙂

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