I’m on the 22nd summer of my life and many things have changed in the journey that I chose to take. I found myself falling with the idea of being in love again or to make it lighter, I’m falling in “like” again. It was also summer last year when I thought I’d found a significant other. Like a bizarre-almost-lover story; it was like“make-believe.” I really cared for him but he betrayed my trust. He’s not worthy to be called my significant other. He was a good for nothing guy.
What happened in the past made me a better-bitter person. However, I found myself comfortable with once-a-stranger to me. He possessed this dark aura as my first impression that made me raised an eyebrow. I don’t know how we started as friends, I just remembered the time we started exchanging smiles.
Last day of April when he walked me home. We talked a lot of things and found some common grounds. Unfortunately, we don’t share the same passion. He is into gaming and I’m into writing. As for my case, I’m open to try something different but too lazy to explore; as for him, he’s too lazy to find time reading my articles. But he loves to bully me because I easily get intimidated.
“Why do I have the feeling that you loved teasing me?” I asked him.
He laughed then said: “You look cute when teased plus the fact that you easily blushed.”
I threw him my throw pillow and we ran around inside the house. We got tired so we ate ice cream afterwards. Then there was silence. He began the conversation that time.
“Hey, why do you like me?” He asked.
Acting like bothered I answered: “I don’t. Who told you so?” I laughed out loud.
“Oh common. It’s pretty obvious, the way you look at me, the way your eyes shine when you see me. It’s written all over your face. Don’t be hypocrite about it.” He continued teasing me.
I covered my ears and tried pretending not to hear when he said: “Waaah! Look at you. You just turned red. HAHHAHA.” I spank him in his shoulder and ran away.
It meant nothing but when it comes to matters of the heart, I cannot learn to open myself again. It’s just difficult to trust again. It doesn’t mean that I’m not over with the past, it only means I have learned enough not to trust easily and most especially not to fall in love fast.
I renounced it a long time ago because it gave me unexplainable emotions. As what Coelho said, it can either consign you to heaven or to hell. That’s what I want to avoid. I’m no coward. I’m just showing how strong I am of letting go of such thing that I’m not supposed to have.
Yes, I would have to admit that I like Craig. He has this likeable spirit that it’s not difficult to like him. I liked him and so I let go. I wouldn’t let the like feeling turned into something I’m not ready to fight yet.
Still, I want to thank him for making me smile after a long time of being sad. I cannot imagine how I begin to smile again with so many worries in mind.
One time we went to the beach and sat on the shore. Feeling the summer breeze, we just looked at the waves. Savoring the last day of summer we were filled with silence which was an unusual thing for us. I glanced at him and smiled. He noticed it and looked at me with question mark.
“What? “ He asked.
I said: “Nothing! I just thought why something so beautiful can be taken away just like that.”
Confused he asked again: “Huh?”
“I was talking about summer. It’s a beautiful season. You go to the beach, enjoy the waves, mesmerized with fireflies at night and you tend to forget your problems. Then it would end. Another season comes and the cycle continues. Just like life and love.” I explained with my eyes still fixed in the waters.
He fell silent and later on I fell asleep leaning in his shoulder.
It was the last time we were together. With many things left unsaid, we ended up saying not “goodbyes” but “take cares.” It has been a long time since I hear such affection or concern or whatever you call it. It felt good when someone says you take care and vice versa. I realized that I have been bitter for a long while. I have guarded my heart from that potent emotion. I have let myself jailed in darkness where I found desolation. I was happy and never will I regret escaping from such an agonizing journey. It once made me happy that in rare moments I could smile when I think about it. However, I end up with a sigh and let myself be drowned with such history.
Summer this year was good to me like it was on the past years. I’m always left with memories to cherish. I have also proven myself that it’s not difficult to like again, to trust little by little. It takes time but I know I’ll get there someday.
Thinking about Craig, I haven’t heard of him for a long time. When I try to remember what we shared, I looked back with a smile on my face. We had so much fun, teasing, and laughing out loud. One good thing about our friendship was that we were honest with each other. He has a girlfriend and I’m too selfish to be committed with someone.
One day you find yourself comfortable with someone. The next day, you find yourself wishing you’d never let yourself get carried away because eventually people change and they always end up leaving. ~Amity.