“I am a love addict. My addiction is love. And the only thing that can cure my addiction is also the very thing that causes it. It’s still love.”
It has been two years now from the last time I’ve written a column entitled: LOVE ≠ LOVE. I could say that I’m still the girl who loves walking in the rain without an umbrella. I’ve came a long journey and my experience taught me lessons that I learned the hardest way. I was burned many times but managed to reincarnate time and time again.
At the verge of my desolation, I have made decisions in which I have to face the consequences I was responsible of. I’ve seen life at its worst and experienced the cruelty as circumstances took its course. And for the record, I fell in love once again. Just as I always do. As what they say, people who fall in love will always fall in love no matter what happens. In my case, fate has brought me to a dimension wherein I have to rest for a long while since I’ve had enough of love and all its crap.
I always view love as a wonderful thing despite the pain I’ve been through. I never thought I would get tired, that one day I would take a stop on this path. It just happened. I woke up one day realizing that I can always go on without that thing. Of course, I’m referring to the romantic kind of love. I really thought that love is all that matters, that as long as you love that person, everything will be alright; never knowing that sometimes love isn’t enough.
“Nostalgia is like a grammar lesson; you find the present tense, but the past perfect.” Owens Lee Pomeroy.
There are things that we cannot prevent from happening. They say that we should not be saying “past is past because flashback exist.” What I want to emphasize is that those memories that will keep on haunting us should never affect us in how we live the present. We simply have to let go of the past not because it’s gone and it’s done but because the present brings us new phenomenon and the future awaits us for brighter days.
The reason why I wrote this column in which I want to be a sequel of my previous one was that I have proven that if love is not equal to love then love is still equal to love. How can it be not equal if it’s not really equal in the first place? It may sound confusing but I want to prove a point that when a life doesn’t go well today or yesterday, it doesn’t mean that it won’t go well the next day.
The remedy for a broken heart is to love again. I once read that in order to heal, one should address the issues on the roots; you could not just put a band aid to the wounds and pretend that it’s not aching anymore. We cannot just love someone to forget the past; we have to forget the past in order to love someone.
People often misunderstood me for not having moved on from my past. I cannot defend myself because I cannot see the point of it but I’m sure that I have and it’s the best thing that has ever happened to me. I have moved on not because I have loved again but because I see life again as it is, beautiful.
It doesn’t end there because at one turning point in my life, someone made a fool out of me. It was really sad in my part because I thought he valued our friendship but he’s just the same with the others, he never really cared. He just wanted to play his games. In some ways, I got attached with him that it was hard to detach at first but luckily I made it.
I was stupid to believe in something because I just felt I have to believe it. The lesson learned would be not to trust your feelings all the time. We have to weigh things and think of logical reasons that would support such emotions. It would do no good to get hurt from time to time. The possibility is that, it would be hard to trust again.
I also read that hurt people are very powerful people. Hurt is a weapon; better than most because it doesn’t look like one. In my case though, I have learned to use my pain to be stronger than ever, to take courage and to move forward. It would be a waste of time trying to seek revenge from those who were not worth even a second of our time. We just have to make sure that once we erase them in our lives, it ends there too.
In another case as what my long time friend experienced, girls often misinterpret his actions. They would assume he loves them in a romantic way when he was just being extra friendly and a way too sweet. It happened that a friendship was almost broken because of him. Both friends fell in love with him. It was like a love triangle since he likes one of the two friends.
When we encounter a situation like what I’ve mentioned, I do hope that friendship will prevail in the end. I am not saying not to pursue the one you love, just make sure that you won’t lose a friend for a lover. You have to try to work out the situation. Go for what makes you happy as long as you’re not hurting others. Still, to hurt someone even our own self is the very thing we cannot control. We cannot prevent someone from hurting if that’s what they are destined to feel. We just have to at least do things to ease their pain and that is to be honest with them. Truth hurts but it’s the only hurtful thing that can bring you back to reality. We’ve been dreaming a lot in the fantasy world that we need to wake up and face reality.
Along with my journey on love, I came across with different people who share the same addiction of mine. We have different stories to tell but we manifest the same feelings; may it be happiness or sorrow. The other way or another, we knew that we loved truly; been hurt badly but still we chose to love over and over again because life is more meaningful when we’re in love.
“One day, I’ll find a person who fits me so well and so completely that I will forget all my previous heartbreaks but today is not that day.”