Many people have judged us on how the way it started even how it ended but one thing is for sure, they will never know the real story. You can call me selfish but I don’t want to share every detail of our memories together. (there’s just a unique feeling of satisfaction keeping it with me and me alone.) I thought it would take me forever to talk about it here in my blog but I guess time has come for me to finally let it out since my writer’s mood is back on track. And so let’s start this with my favorite lines from a novel (with my edited version):
” In the 20th summer of my life, I fell in love once again. A kind of love I never felt before.Those days I shared with him were the greatest memories I’ve ever had. I would love to cherish them until the day I die. But being with him might be too great to last forever that’s why our love ended so soon…..”
He was not that handsome (frankly speaking) and I never had an intention of knowing a stranger (he was not an exemption) but he possessed this devilish charm and I was hooked by it. At first sight, there’s nothing special, he didn’t caught my attention at all until that day (that certain day when he started it all.) Every time he told me he likes me, I just laughed at it. I never believed him. (I’ve been through that before, the just kidding-im not kidding-its-true-blah.blah.) Still, he continued to pursue and convince me that his feelings were true then. (when I try to look back, I could still remember how it happened and I laughed with the thought.) We weren’t that close because he kept his distance but when he finally revealed his feelings, we became a bit closer. (I have to admit it was awkward at first, the way he looked at me when our eyes met. I dunno why. HAHHAH)and then afterwards, he would text me: “ka awkward ato uy.” (HAHHAH)
I just can’t help but laughed at it. I started to like him when he went to our place and gave me the medicine I badly needed that time. (It was so kind and sweet of him to make an effort to go to a place he’s never been. Actually, I did gave him directions.) I really can’t believe it but there he was, standing at the corner of the street with my med on his hands. There was also one time, we had an excursion. In the middle of the day, I could sense that he was not in the mood. Then he texted me that he felt bad because I never talked to him the whole time or even smiled at him. (We were together that time riding in a jeepney, still I did not talk to him. (hahha) I was just waiting for him to talk to me first.) He then asked me if I was hungry and that he wanted to eat bread. I told him I wanted to eat a meal for dinner so we ended up in my favorite fast food chain.
During that time, I also started to enjoy his company. He was never boring. We talked a lot of things (under the sun even under the moon.) And you can say that we were on the stage of getting to know each other. A month passed, we became official. ( I know it happened fast but I don’t care, HAHAH) The place was not romantic but the hearts that has been entwined made it a romantic setting. It was a great feeling way back then. And as usual, we still have petty quarrels everyday ( we always fight, even on simple things, and it’s really funny. It wouldn’t be normal if we do not fight and even us, acknowledged that it’s just normal for us -the fighting thingy.) So weird, isn’t it? For months, we had a smoothly-sailing relationship (as expected). Even if I have my own personal problems, just one COMFORT HUG from him will make the burden lighter. Almost everyday we see each other. It was part of our daily routine. We ate dinner together, talked non-sense things, and the favorite part of being with each other was that we write letters for each other everyday. (We had a notebook and we took turns in writing.) We wrote poems, he composed songs, and we teased each other about what we have written.
There was never a dull moment when we’re together. When I’m sad, he always put a smile on my face. He never failed to make me smile when we’re together. When I’m tired, it’s as if that he also wanted to take part of it so that I won’t be feeling it even for a moment. And I love him for that and not only that, I have come to love him that much that I can’t contain it to the point of being afraid to show him how much I love him. In the midst of the fun, we got lost for something went wrong, but we can never do anything (or so we thought). We were drifting away. So many questions but no one dared to face and answer it. We were good until it lasted.
I guess it was not easy to set free or let go of that someone at the time you’re loving him the most and going through each day without him is a struggle. How can I truly be happy when my own happiness is gone? But everything ended quickly as it began. I can’t understand it at first, about why something so beautiful should be taken away just like that but at the verge of my desolation, I have found the answer, WE BOTH NEED A LOT OF GROWING UP TO DO. :))
I have come to accept the fact that we’re not together anymore. It hurts, of course. I have loved him with all my heart but love is not always enough, we have to deal with that. Love is just a gift given to us. We don’t have to hold it so tight so that when it decides to leave, we have the strength to let it go. Being hurt is the process we have to undergo when we love someone. And one thing I also learned is that to never own someone. I may have become so dependent to him but I put in mind not to own him so that I will never lose him.
Memories will always haunt us wherever we are but the challenge is to look back with a smile, that once in your life, something so wonderful or even beautiful happened. And you have to owe it to that someone. I owed him my happiness for those months when we’re together. He has given me so much love when all I have was so much pain. I have to credit him for it. Until now, after everything we’ve been through, I would never try to hate him or despise him. I just thanked him for our memories, for everything. We may not be together anymore but the end of it is not the end of my life, not the end of love.
“Love will always be there, reminding us that we should be thankful and happy not because we have lost love, but because, for once in our lives, that feeling called love lived in our hearts and made us happy.”
Things may not be the same as before but HE WILL ALWAYS BE THE BESTEST AND THE WONDERFULLEST thing that has ever happened to me. (exagge but it’s true.) I need not to wave the past with a heavy heart because I just have to let the footprints of the past be blown by the winds of time. Our story might have ended but at least, we had ONCE UPON A TIME, right? (and fairy tales, it does exist, we just have to admit that it would also end. ) :)))
P.S : sinasadyang tagalog ang pamagat (gusto ko lang) at sinasadya rin na hindi detalyado ang pagkasulat para sa sariling kapakanan at sa pagiging makasarili na hindi gustong magkwento kasi masyado akong naging masaya para makisawsaw pa ang iba. lol :)) HAHAHHAH. Sa mga bumasa nito, MARAMING SALAMAT. :))
PS| DATE WRITTEN: 9/7/12