Memories in August



My doctor advised me to take some pain reliever for my headache. I’m feeling perfectly fine today. I’m planning to tell her how I really feel and I’m confident that she’ll accept me as her boyfriend. I will lay the world on her feet if she’d ask me. Since childhood, I knew that “she’s the one” and I intend to make her the one for me.



The weather is good today. It’s in my favor. I could play basketball as long as I want then afterwards, I’ll have some strolling at the mall where I could see a bunch of pretty faces. I’m not the committed type of a guy. I just love fun. So much.



I’m not in the mood today. I woke up at the wrong side of the bed. I got scolded by Mom for I didn’t take my medicine. It sucks. I hate it. Damn all of them. They can go to hell for all I care.



I’m pissed off! Really pissed off. There’s this girl, a classmate in my Algebra class, she keeps on following me. She’s trying to catch my attention. I’m no gay but I don’t like girls who are doing the first move. Maybe I hurt her when I shouted at her face to leave me alone. I don’t fucking care.



My best friend, she’s a girl, is acting weird today. I treat her like a sister I never had. She’s extra sweet today. When I asked her what the matter is, she would just smile. BY the way, the leader of the Cheering Squad in the campus is pretty cool. Maybe one of these days, I’ll take her out.



I forgot to write “we’re official, ” and my happiness is unexplainable. I know its very rare for a guy to be expressive but I just can’t help it. After years of suppressing my feelings, I was able to have found the courage to let it all out. I love her so much and I’ll never let go of our love no matter what it takes.



I can’t explain what or how I am feeling today. I just felt that I am not well. Nevertheless, I dated the leader of the Cheering squad already and I had fun. I was just worried about my best friend. I am sure, she’s crying while seeing me with that girl. Am I that insensitive?



Oh my headache sucks! Still I won’t take any medication. If only I could cut my head that easily. The doctor said that my condition could get worse and the hell I care. Oh by the way, the girl I was talking about seemed nice today but I gave him a snub. She almost cried in front of me. Gtg! I have to study.



I’m a bit worried. I’m lying in my bed for half a day now. I still didn’t text my girlfriend, afraid she’ll worry about me. I just can’t ease the pain that I am feeling. I already took a lot of pills. I am hoping that by this afternoon, the pain would subside. I have to sleep again.



Today is one of the happiest ever. I spent the whole day with my girl. I love her more everyday and I wanted her to know and feel it always. With her, everything is colorful. I wished this day wouldn’t end but it has to. Even if we had a small fight about crazy things she accused me that I wasn’t aware I did it, we have managed to deal with it. We had so much fun. When I’m with her, I know I am in the perfect place in the world and everything wouldn’t matter. She’s the best thing that has ever happened to me.



I spent my day with my bestfriend. I wanted to apologize for whatever things that I did to hurt her. Mind you, she’s so kind and she just smiled as if nothing happened. It was just awkward when she told me “I love you.” I told her discreetly that I love her as my bestfriend. Despite everything, I was happy with her today.



My ill temper’s gonna kill me soon. That stupid girl brought me a snack and guess what I did? I threw it to her face then walked away. I’m too busy to deal with her drama.



I collapsed in the middle of the field. Good thing that my best friend’s with me. I need to rest now.



AS days passed, my headache is getting worse. And with my stubbornness, one of these days, I’ll be fucking dead. So pathetic. Agggh! This is bullshit!!!!



Tomorrow is my regular check up. I hope the doctor won’t advise that I shall be confined. I would never like the idea. She’ll get worried for sure. She’s not even aware of my condition. I don’t want to burden her.



Confusion clouded my senses. I cannot put into words of what exactly I am feeling at the moment. I’m still torn between the pain of remembering and not knowing everything. And the saddest part is that I am not able to say goodbye after all that I’ve been through. I’m left with nothing but memories and while writing this, every pieces of it flashes back and forth in my head making an excruciating pain in my heart. The sadness immobilized me.  Everything seems clouded and dim and I wouldn’t want to be brought back to life after a big slap of reality hit through me. How can it be possible? But it already happened. Like a bomb explosion, I wasn’t prepared.  And as what they said, no amount of preparation can avert the pain once it started to appear. So here I am alone in his room trying to decipher the truth that I have found out. If I only knew it then, things would be better. Maybe I would be able to share his pain and suffering, maybe I have told him in his last breath that I accepted him with all of him and that my love for him will never fade even if it would mean that I would embrace the others that comes along with his personality. I love him so much that I cannot afford to hate him for not telling me about it. I have to write this in here in order to end the chapter of his life and mine that has been written in every page of this book. Sad memories and happy ones; they are just the same. We made it together. It’s the best we could ever have. Now, I have to start a life without him even if I didn’t want to. One thing’s for sure, I’ll keep a part of him with me. I will never forget Alejandro, Alexander and Alfonso. I will never forget them and how they meant to me.



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s